Friday, February 27, 2009

Don't be a bitch, please

I was sitting at work contemplating blowing my head off when this snobby old hang in a fur coat came up to my lane. I said "Hello, how are you?" and she said "I have 4 separate orders." STRIKE ONE. DON'T FUCKING IGNORE MY QUESTION. So her first order is like $13 worth of shit and she hands me a 15% coupon that is not even for the place at work at, but I take it and give her the stupid $1.75 discount she believes that she is more than entitled to.
Order two consists of ONLY a 4.99 bottle of bubble bath and then she waved this 20% coupon in my face that is for GNC vitamins. I tell her nicely no, bubbles are not vitamins and you can only use one competitors coupon a day. She stands there staring at me like am the cheap-o in a ugly fur coat. I asked her if she wants it still and she stares at me and yells "that would have been for my DAUGHTER BUT YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT HER, DO YOU? DO YOU?" I say sorry, I will get in trouble and she says "MY DAUGHTER IS NOT WORTH THE RISK FOR YOU, HUH? YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID". She ran off leaving all off her other groceries sitting in my lane so I got to spend 25 minutes walking around the store, putting back all the crap she did not want. You could also say that I was multi-tasking, because I was also looking around for a box cutter to slit my wrist with. I will put "exceptional multitasker" on my next job review and pray that my boss and I can talk about this day for 45 minutes instead of how often I have to pee.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


I had a 5 hour dentist appointment to work on my root canals and my dentist still has not finished the work. This is the second appointment for this. I think that he is sedating me so he can steal my brain cells and my energy and my savings account.

This is how tired I am: I am afraid of burglars. I know that when Jill left my house a bit ago, she left the door unlocked, but I don't think I can make it down the stairs to lock it. Fuck, I can't make it back up the stairs after going all the way down. I know that Richard is getting up for work in 84 minutes. I am passing out in 6 minutes. That leaves 78(I don't care if I'm wrong) minutes for a burglar to find my door and come in. But I have a dog. He is sleeping...will be bark? I hear burglars don't like houses with dogs. But then there is that shitty movie with Marky Mark and he wants to break into Reese Witherspoons house and kidnap her. She has a dog, but his friend just cuts the dogs head off and throws it into the doggie door and Reese's family is eating dinner and AHHHH! burglars bust in from every entry point possible. But my dog is an inside dog and all I have is a letter slot, not a doggie door.
Oh, and I rang up Hillary Swank at work the other day.

What was that stupid Marky Mark movie called again?

Friday, February 20, 2009



Why do I get at least 2 emails a day regarding how to make my penis larger?

And speaking of email, every time I log into to yahoo account, it shows me the latest top "headline news". All fucking week it has been Miley Cyrus this/that.....EVERYDAY. Hi guys, her dad's name is Billy Ray, so why are you all surprised she trash? Oh and hi yahoo! Celebrity gossip is not effing NEWS!!!

Apple Chips

Oh, and my work started carrying the best thing ever: apple chips. I could eat them til I burst. The first bite almost brought tears to my eyes. I bought like 4 bags last week. Then I go into work yesterday, tearing boxes apart looking for them, and a manager informs me that our supplier stopped carrying them? What?!?!? After a week? Why are you doing this to me?!?!?!?

Rosie Russell

Ok, sorry. Here is Rosie Russell, she is a Jack Russell, and likes to sit in front of the fireplace at BTs' mama's house, even though she is panting like crazy. I regret sharing the last bag of apple chips with her, but only because I did not know it would be my last.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

animals animals animals

I wear my sunglasses at night.

Basically, this is what my dog looks like if I even think about eating.

eye spy

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


So, I am kinda obsessed with google ads, not because I want to make money, but it always cracks me up seeing which ads appear. Like this:

But anyway, the only google ad I ever clicked on was for the most awesome site ever: Basically, you list a bunch of video games, dvd's, etc you don't want anymore and trade with other people for stuff you actually want. All you pay for is shipping. I am hooked. BT will probably leave me when he finds out that I am going to list all of his belongings so I can get every Sims 2 expansion pack ever made.

Ok, nerd time over.


My mom finally had to put the family dog down. She was almost 19 and it was getting to be a quality of life issue. But she lived a long, awesome life. She was older than my youngest sister! I am hoping that I can talk my mom into getting a new dog soon. I think it will help her with the grieving process.

Ok, nerd time again. I just spent an hour try to dismantle this pin into a tag for my dogs collar:

We are going to see the Friday the 13th remake, tonight. I hope it does not totally suck............

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Monday, February 16, 2009

This is how my next job review will go:

Lately when I go to work, I get this huge urge to fake sick everyday. I think that is a sign that I need a new job.

We went to the "Dirty Show" in Detroit over on Friday. The sign outside said no cameras allowed, but when I got inside, there were so many weirdo's taking pictures, I was mad at myself for not sneaking mine it, too. Slava needed a ride to the show since she was performing with her burlesque troop.

She always makes me proud.

Anyway, the show was kind of fun. The only weirdo's attending were the 45 and older crowd. They were acting out of control, spanking each other and walking around half naked. I ran into my friend Dan there, who was wearing a suit and checking out some paintings. This 50 year old dude wearing only pleather undies interrupted our conversation to inform Dan that he was wearing too many clothes. Ewwww. It's like all the horny old people came out of their homes for the first time in years and thought it would be cool to expose their true sexual predator emotions. I'm just glad I didn't see my grandparents there. It would taken years of therapy to undo the damage.

PUT SOME BACON ON YOUR SITE. you're welcome.

Friday, February 13, 2009

about that

Sorry, I have been hibernating..


And getting puked on for it.


Oh yeah, and this lady complained about me at work. Her main problem with me is that I am a super "racist". Let me remind you, in case it is not obvious, I AM NOT WHITE.
Oh and my other work got robbed. I switched shifts that day, SUCKERS.
P.S. No one got hurt, so I can say "suckers" all day long, thank you.

Happy Birthday, Jamily!!!!


Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Hey friends

Please, stop telling me how I should go see "Twilight" or ask me if I want to borrow your vampire books. I REFUSE to read anything that can be purchased from the "Young Adult" or "Teen Reading" section at the bookstore. No no no. Some girl at work was reading a hardcover version of it and I was amazed by how thick the book was. Then I took a look inside and saw that the font was like 1 inch. Smart move, making suckers think it is a book for grownups. I would rather buy a childrens book and read it 30 times out loud than read some book about a teenage girls struggle with wanting to do a vampire. I mean, no offensive it you like the series, but SOMEONE is at the point of legally harassing me because I won't go see the movie in the theater.

Anyway, meet my new nephew. He is on the right. His name is Chubs. His eyes are all swollen and infected because his former shithead owner was abusive and and left him in a barn for days without food and water. My sister rescued him and he is going to be living it up now.

rod and chubs

Bulldogs have the best grillz.