I'll cut you first.

My landlord sucks. Last winter he put plastic on the windows of our 2nd floor apartment in hopes of insulating our living room. Come June, the plastic was still up and our apartment was 8,000,000 degrees. Richard said, "Fuck It" and grabbed the biggest kitchen knife we own and cut off the plastic so we would not die in the heat.

I woke yesterday up to see that the plastic has returned (and it's been cold in my apartment for months, why waste your time now, moron???) with this note crammed in the window:





Yeah, the landlord really does have one eye so I will give him credit for his self portrait skillzzzz.

What's winter like..

from a dogs perspective:




Ruff.

Dear Diary.

Normally, reading these old journal are painfully embarassing, and I am reading them to myself by myself, written by myself, for myself...what the hell? They creep me out, and I don't know why anyway, I found this simple entry quite a jem. Don'y fret, it is short and sweet:

11/1/2001 (i was 20, and already a potty mouth)

Bobby's redneck mother called me bright and early this morning to inform me that she would be over shortly to "CLEAN MY CLOCK"?!? Seeing as how I will be laid off work by Tuesday, I kind of hope that bitch does. Plus I could use a new car......."

She never showed up that day, and I never got that dream lawsuit I was hoping for. Seeing how I still did not understand NASCAR or Monstertruck Rallies, I would have set my hopes a bit lower.

Oh and Mel, since any other Flores is not allowed to visit this page: is it just me, or is it safe to call my niece an asshole. People get all weird about calling little kids assholes, but from my understanding, she was doing what she does best on Sunday......

uh, thanks for noticing...

Mel, I totally would have called in to go to your dad's party, but I had my annual review that day at work! Urgh!

Every one else, imagine this: You spend two hours writing out lengthy answers to questions about your work performance for a wage review. After much preparation and anxiety, you sit patiently as your boss lists your areas needing improvement.

"Well, in the supervisor group, we noticed that you close your lane often. You need to not pee so much."

I was totally unprepared.

Thoughts.

My cell phone provider, piece of Sprint, sent me an email stating their New Years Resolution is to help me save money. But it is almost February...why have they waited to long to share this awesome news with me?

Um, I heard today is Squirrel Appreciation Day?? Oh well, here is me the one and only time I appreciated a squirrel with some classmates:



Can animals feel suicidal? Because my cat has been acting questionable lately.

OMG OMG OMG!!!!

The Secret Saved my life!

Bigger?

wondering......

While repeatedly pushing the Blogger "next blog" button, I almost barfed all over myself when I saw the amazing amount of blogs that were all named some variation of "What I'm Wearing Today." That is all they post, a photo and a detailed description of EVERY piece of clothing they put on for the day.

Really? Must everyone know what brand your underwear is? And what if you woke up late and had to rush to work without taking a shower? Do you lie to the internet tell them you are wearing the same underwear two days in a row? Wait, and if you were running late, when would you find time to take a picture of yourself in your current office attire? What if you worked at TGIFridays and then had to go run a marathon? Which would outfit would be internet-worthy?

Oh, and they always offer pro tips: "In the 80’s, it was way cool to match your socks to your shirt. In the naughties, it’s cool to match your shirt to your socks. Don’t be left out!" Who knew?!?!??!

This is what my friend Eric wore to Applebee's one day. Internet worthy:

Good Morning Indeed.

I wanna be sedated...

for real. I will start sedating myself in 6 hours. 4 pills, then 2 more when I get to the dentist. That leaves me with 6 extra pills in case I start flipping switches and unplugging drills. I should be sleeping but instead I am already freaking, hence why my dentist makes me drug myself up BEFORE I am allowed to come near him. Whatever, works for the both of us.

Can't sleep ramble: I told myself that I will learn how to sew this year if it killzzzz me. I made my friend Jamie in charge of looking for classes in the area. I was feeling like I was relying on her a bit too much to help me achieve my goal until I saw this:



Dude, I'm down.
Fuck, where do you even get fabric like that anymore?

Guess who saw a 3D movie?

no not him, silly.



BT and I and some friends went and saw "My Bloody Valentine 3D" and the movie BLOOOOOOOOOOOOWED. I love horror movies and the only good thing about this movie was the 3d effects. Without the feeling of almost being stabbed and blood spewing out of the screen, I would have ate my pretzel nuggets and taken a nap. And it was interesting to watch the security guards all tense in the lobby. That Biggie Smalls movie came out the same night and the high schoolers were getting rowdy in the parent drop of lane.

Oh, and the 3D glasses were not half bad.



The last movie I saw in 3D was stupid Superman, and thinking it was a 3D imax movie was the only reason I went. That was a super piece of shit. IMAX was like "here, wear these glasses only when this icon shows up on the screen". I think I wore the glasses for like 8 minutes total during the entire film. And then on your way out, you gave them your glasses (think massive Blue Blockers) and they were handing them to people that were entering the theater. Ummm, do you sanitize those nasty ass things? For $16 a ticket I demand clean glasses! But there is one pro about going to the IMAX and that is shitty little high schoolers DO NOT pay $16 for a ticket, which means I can watch a movie without seeing a million little cell phones glowing as oh so important texts are being sent. AMEN.

Name that tune.

I'm still working on the prize.

paper stash

I'm sure that you are all sick of hearing about my toothache, but I am proud to say that after a stressful breakdown and a phone call to the elderly receptionist, she was able to reach my dentist at home and he had a change of heart. 15 pain pills! No more sleepless nights, well at least for the next few days.

A friend of mine is making some sketchbooks out of her massive postcard collection and I was able to snag these beauties. I am a HUGE fan of sending snail mail. Last year about 10 of my friends decided to relocate towards warmer weather and I have to write them to constantly remind them how they all left me at once, but they are not all living together. Most of them don't even know each other, so it was weird to keep hearing "I'm moving to California" announcements. My West Coast friends better dig their weirdo snail mail.





The last one is pretty card to see, but I think it is my fav. It's a car full of pups cruising in a badass ride in a river. I also like the top right one, the bag head chick, mostly because I have no clue as to what her agenda is. Miranda had so many more badass postcards, WAY crazier than this. I need her to start parting with some of these STAT. She would be doing such a good dead, to me, the person I sent it to, my depressed postman would even get a good laugh....

Ohhh, and while searching for a screw driver for my eye glasses a found these gems that I did not even know I still had: Journals 1997 and 1999.





I have boxes of these things laying around, and I didn't know that these two were even here. I probably hid them from B.T. when I moved in out of embarrassment. It's gonna be a late night!

6 Random Things.

I love Krista and when blogger and my computer where having a meltdown, she "tagged" me. I had started this post and never finished it til now!!! It goes like this:

*Link to the person that tagged you
*Post the rules on your blog
*Share six interesting things/habits/quirks about yourself - anything that comes to mind.
*Tag six people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs ... people you would like to know things about.
*Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

1. As much as I would love to live in peace and quiet (and free of homeless people outside my apartment), my fear of deer prohibits me from doing so. Driving to 15 minutes on the "back roads" out to visit my parents can be panic inducing as I am afraid that I will hit one while driving and that their antlers will crash through my windshield and spear my eye out.



2. Actually, most of my fears are very "Final Destination" events that will never happen to me or anyone I know.

3. I have worked a lot of retail jobs, mostly involving cashiering. Nothing makes me crazier when I say "Your total due is $19.49" and you say "OH THAT WAS A GREAT YEAR!!!" and then instead of paying me, you laugh forever like you are the first one to ever say that. I don't know why, it just gives me goosebumps.



4. It freaks me out when I see people picking their nose while driving. Not because it's gross, but I am afraid someone will rear-end them when their finger is up their nose, which again goes back to #2.

5. When I cook chicken, it usually turns out dry because I overcook it so there is no possible way I could get salmonella.



6. B.T. and I used to talk about getting married, and now I don't think that we will. It is something that we go back and forth on a lot. Not because we have a bad relationship, but because I think it is so unfair that not everyone in this country can marry the one they love.
But I also have to worry about him not having citizenship here (he is from Scotland, but has been a resident alien here for almost 15 years) and the thought that one day we might have to leave the US to be together. I worry about the civil rights of others, what I want out of life, and my relationship a lot.

I will have to think about who I am going to tag later; time to get some shut eye.
xoxo

I am in hell.

My face hurts. And don't say it is hurting you, too. Wahaaaaaa.
My filling fell out and my NEW dentist and I had an hour chat today about how I can't get a root canal till next week and how much money I am going to be giving him this year. Oh, and he doesn't believe in pain meds. Oh, and I am going to need two root canals, let's knock em out in the same day, okay? Grrrrreat.
So, I'm sitting here in agony, not sleeping, eating tylenol like they're freaking corn chips and I decide to check out all the paper work he gave me today. I notice that on the chart it says that I am missing 2 adult teeth to accommodate braces.
NO I AM NOT. Nor have I had braces.
If anyone knows a non-hippy pain medicine popping literate dentist, please let me know.
(ps no offense hippies, but I am dying here and if another person tells me to go get some clove oil, I just might loose my shit.)



PS. Everytime I go outside, I want to cry because the cold air + my missing filling= HELL. This guys wants to cry everytime we go out, too. Well, mainly because he has to wear this sweater. I am not one of those people that like to dress up their pets, but without the sweater he just shivers and stares at me. With the sweather, he gets pissed at me, but takes care of business a bit quicker. Then he wrestles right out of it as soon as we get back inside. So he usually has his coat off before I can get mine off.

yay.

I am feel like blogger and I are going to give our relationship another go, and I feel pretty good about it.



All dogs look cute in costumes.



I have been slowly moving all of my files to a portable harddrive because my computer has been getting upgraded, and I found this video of Sailor watching me play the Sims Pets on the computer. He would just sit next to me forever turning his head back and forth. So cute. It's kinda dark but whatever.

Why the best show ever was cancelled.

hi

I am slowly getting things back in order........thanks for your links, kittens.

P.S. I have been at the dentist two days in a row and have to go again next week. This life is hell.



And I am really missing nice weather....